Saturday, April 22, 2006
once there was a master and a disciple...this night the disciple woke up in the middle of the night crying so badly. The master asked why are u crying? and he asked, did u have a scarry dream? and the disciple said no and then the master asked did u have a sad dream? and the disiple said no..then the master asked then why are u crying so sadly? the disciple replied.. i had a very sweet dream but i can nv live to fufill that dream......
It has been one month since the last time i went back to singapore and it has been almost 2 and a half weeks that i have been in cannda...its amszing how time has passed so fast and the problem and stress abt staying in singapore or cannada has been goin on for 1 month alreadi not to mention the many months that i have been thinkin abt this....
During the time i have spent in singapore i had so much funn and i reali wanted to stay in singapore to the extend i culd run away frm the flight twice and argue wif my parents like fuck over this issue again and again to the extend i dont mind leavin the family cause i reali wana be in singapore... in singapore even though its such a short time ive known her but i got to know a girl that loves me alot... it was through a time like this that i realised how many of my frens reali stuck wif my through this hard time i had n i am so touched...my parents and people may think they are bad influence but to me they are frens that wil stick wif me through thick and thin frens..they are my true frens....and all they want is that i wuld be happy whereever i am.... But during the stay i had in singapore..i have gained many true and genuine frens but at the same time i became distant to a number of them...particularly this special person whom i reali treated as my reali gd fren...but it was my fault that now we became distant...
During my stay in cannda i reali was doin all i can to go back to singapore and my parents, uncles and guardians were doin whatever they can to make me stay in cananda.... n now when i can force my way back, when my frens can fork out money for the flight back i reali wonder issit reali selfish of me, jus because of doin what i want and whatever that makes me happy n sacrifice the pains and sadness of my parents my grandparents and all of my uncles and aunties that reali care for me n its not that within these 2 and a half year i wuldnt be goin back to singapore at all....if i want to i can go back 3 times a year and after that i can stil be in singapore...2 and a half years wuld reali mean nothing with the 10 more years of support frm them.....and after much thinkin i guess its right and better for me to stay in cannada as it wont be forever that i wuld be stayin here..but whenever i go bac on msn and talk wif my frens and so i wuld reali miss singapore, my lifestyle and ALL of my frens and i wuld have a sudden urge to go back to sinapore and forget abt everythn and ignore everyone jus to do whats makes me happy....i know whats the right thing to do and the better choice to make but thats not what i want to do cos im dead unhappy here...but at the same time, in life we cant reali have whatever that we want and sometimes i also have to do my part to sacrifice for the family and not be so selfish.....
saying that, i guess i have made my decision to stay in canda, even though i fuckin hate to say this and fuckin hate to be here n fuckin hate to do the things that i dont wana do and i wuld be a way happier person now if i were to go back but i reali cant do it..i cant forsake everyone cos of what i want onli....i have to apologise deeply to everyone in sing that reali has been seeing me makin ficle minded decisions frm cananda to singapore and frm singapore to cannda n stil have been holdin me on....shi lin, cam,terr,jerm,leon,ken, jj so many so many taht i cant even name all of them out...ive let u all down n i guess u all must be tired of it too jus like me...i feel so sad saying this.....feel like fuck....saying the decision im makin when i fuckin hate it and fuckin hate this road im takin...
sighs....its almost like i hav a very sweet dream in singapore but i just cant fufill it.....
stories of joell on 3:49 PM
