Tuesday, August 22, 2006
haix...damn sian of blogging...everyday is reali the same....nothn new nothn interetsting... but last saturday for the 2nd time was pretty fun....went for a house party and drink and all...not bad la considering ive stayed here for more den a year and onli experiencing this twice -.- better den nothn i guess..haha
anyways school is starting next thursday.....sighs... u have no idea how much it sucks to be going back to the same school u hated and tried to run away from for one more year.....every early morning wake up jus to go to the place where u hate the most...imagine hating and suffering in this shit place is bad enuff...imagine wad makes it worst u have to even go to a worst shit school everday!! the thot of it makes me cant breath and go so angry and so mad!!!how could my fuckin parents do this....i tried so many times to compromise wif dem and this is wad they say
go states visit my cousin---no
go toronto visit relatives--no
take a plane to states renew my visa-- no ( and they want my fuckin guardian to drive me there
for like duno how many fuckin hours!! CCB!!!!!)
go back to singapore for 1 month holiday in exchange for a year--no
wana change school cause i hate this fuckin school-- no
of cos dey gave their fuckin useless reasons that makes no god damn sense at all...like no money ar.. bla bla bla... no money stil pay 21k for me suffer here another year...
fucking assholess...
and on top of that i knew abt some stuff happening in cannda abt dem and those
motherfuckers accomplicess!!
sighs....God, u got to help me out....
im jus fighting for my own survival from the these people that think they know whats best for me.....these ppl are not helpin me but forcing me to end my life....
stories of joell on 12:26 AM
Thursday, August 10, 2006
2 days ago was the day that ive been in canada for exactly one year....8th of august, the day i wil never forget in my life....it was the day that i walked away and left everyone to canada...
i remember the day before i left to canada i was home and jeremy came over and slept over in my house.... we were awake all night listening to music and having our last chat before i left....then i talked to natalie over the phone for awhile. that night many people called me to say goodbye cause they couldnt send me off to the airport....me and jerm spend the whole night chatting and smoking and at about 5am, me and jeremy left to pick up connie and we went to newton mrt to see leo...at newton mrt we took pictures and we manage to persuade lcm to allow leo to come to the airport...at about 7am there were more students and seeing dem going to school realli reminded me of the times i was in barker going to school wearing that same uniform...
then we seperated for awhile as i had to meet up with one of my very gd fren....it was so sad cause she has always been there for me in all faces of my life but im glad i was able to see her one last time before i left....after saying my final goodbye to her i left in the cab off to the airport...
in the airport there were many people... all my bros and frens were there..we took some pictures together and talk crap for awhile and spend our last times together... at abt 9.30 is the time i had to leave....we went to the departure gate and i gave all my frens one last hug...it was so sad that as i was hugging them one last time.. flashbacks of memories jus keep coming to my head....as i looked at everyone i had jus a special memory wif them and it seems like my mind brought me back to the past with them... i suddenli started crying so hard cause i know i wont be seeing them all for awhile...that moment and that feeling i will never forget casue it was the first time i have left my best frens and bros whom have always been there for me....
As i checked in.....i turned back and looked one last time at every single one of them...and i walked away....
its amasing that all that happened a year ago....how much have happened in between and how much things have changed... but sometimes it stil feels as if it jus happened yesterday as the memories still seems so clear in my head... its saddening sometimes when i think abt it that the same frens that were so close to me before i left and ive helped before are no longer close to me anymore....everythng reali reveals over time and i guess since the day i left i alreadi expected to lose some close frens.... but at least im grateful that through all these at least i stil have a couple of gd frens that have stuck wif me all the way till now... =)
one year ago i was in singapore...a year later im in canada...i wonder the following year on the 8 of august where would i be? how much would things would have changed? which frens would i lose and which frens would i gain? i guess that's somthing for God to decide and for time to reveal...
holy crap..this sure is one long crazy post! hahaha
stories of joell on 12:22 PM
Monday, August 07, 2006
life in canada is so boring that i feel theres reali no need to blog abt life here as its jus the same as the old posts...its basically home every single motherfucking day! went over to my uncle hse to slp cause my guardians whole family is goin out of town...and now that im in my uncle's hse my 2 cousins are in singapore and my aunt and uncle are out of town too and im the onli one home now... same as yesterday..... haix... this is basically my life in canada.... nv have i been able to sit for hours or sometimes even a day not talkin at all... all i do when no one is online is jus listen to music and jus daydream....wad makes it worst is that im fuckin out of cigarrettes! when im boredd and alone i get so damn fuckin pissed when i dont have ciggerettes...wad the fuck am i goin to do den? cb... onli smoke 3 ciggs ytd and today im out! fuck la...
all that burns in my heart now is this huge hatred for them...i wil not have the slightest compassion for them...
what goes around comes around....
stories of joell on 12:42 PM
Friday, August 04, 2006
i feel stuck in a world all alone.....no one understands my pain and im going through it all alone.if there was someone that i wish could understand me fully now would be my parents...but they never do.. and will never will...
they nv reali cared in a way they shuld nor thought in the way they should....they are saving themselves but letting me drown...i'm jus fighting for myself from the misery they thought was good for me.....
i wish that everythng will go smoothly...don't let me be lost..be lost in a world all by myself.....
stories of joell on 5:10 AM
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
samantha (: YAYYYYY says:
OH AND JOEL. I KNOW YOU ARE VERY HANDSOME AND LOOK LIKE EDISON CHEN, I ALSO KNOW THAT YOU ARE VERY MUSCULAR AND KIND AND EVERYTYHING NICE. PEOPLE LOVE YOU.
samantha (: YAYYYYY says:
EVEN THOUGH U MAY BE FAT AND ALL BUT REALLY U STILL LOOK LIKE EDISON, I MENA EDISON LOOK LIKE U
imm so gladd that before samantha turned 16 she has finally said somethn so true and meaningful in her life! i guess that was the most honest thing she has ever said so far! im so happpy for u samm!! u've changed to be a honest and pleasant girl on your 16 birthday! HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA! anyways, happpy sweeet 16 samy!
well, today has been a usual boring like hell day as usual...slept at 4am den wake up at abt 8 den talk on msn and all till about 10am plus? den went back to slp and woke up at 7pm plus den use the computer! life like this can reali make a person so damn fuckin depressed..sigh..jus now my dad called me and all..before he even started to say the topic i alreadi predicted wad he wanted to say...cause he is in indonesia i didnt blast off at him...when he gets back and call me he is gona get it! ive reached the stage wif my parents that i dont even wana hear their voice anymore and i am more den willing any moment to break off all connections wif dem alreadi...especially my fuckin mother! how am i gona stay in cannda wif this fucker parents and all these accomplices motherfuckers backstabbers!! pisses me off so bad...
stories of joell on 11:12 PM
