Monday, September 25, 2006
so its been awhile since ive been blogging... well..maybe because these pass while ive been having so much problems and have been majorly depressed.... anyways tomorrow for me is back to school... after a long war with my parents dey finally gave up on me and allow me back during december forever and i jus have to go back to school til december cause the school fees has alreadi been paid. i watched i not stupid too again today..downloaded the movie and when i watch this movie i reali felt like crying especially the part when the boy said 'our house on the ouside it seems like we have every single thing..but actualy in the inside we dont have anythng at all' it was so sad cause i feel that its so true in my family....
yea..i know..sounds wierd that its comming from me as it always seem as though i don give a fuck about my parents but the truth is that i reali do...but sometimes its hard having to obey such a huge decision since i dont reali enjoy it and also because we never reali had a relationship since young...
i reali wonder what is the real meaning to life..who are we living our lives for?what are we living our lives for? why are we living our lives...? i never reali seem to get an answer from these questions... i feel that life is jus a painful journey full of hardships and sadness.... i gues thats also because i have nv reali experienced true happiness without having any regrets after....
i see some major obsticales that i have to face after this coming december...sighs, im neither happy nor sad, all i want now is jus to get through this bittersweet life that God gave to me...
stories of joell on 10:05 PM
Thursday, September 07, 2006
school started for me last thurs....i started a qurrael not going to school already... getting reali upset wif the things happening around me, i wish dey culd jus give in to avoid whatever that is goin to come after....its tiring doing it again and again..dont they want this to end? den why continue forcing cause it wil onli make things worst...? sighs...my brain has come to a stop and there seems no way out of this anymore...
i wonder if tomorrow never comes....wuld me frens/bros know how much i love dem? would my cousins know how much i care for them? would my brother in australia despite having not seen him in so long know how much i miss him? and lastly would my parents that i have been qurraeling wif all the time realise that i actualy do think abt them and dont hate them as much as they think i do? im tired of the same problems coming agin and again and again...why cant they jus not force it anymore? if tomorrow never comes....i want all my friends,cousins,brother n parents to know that i do love them....
im tired of faking it alreadi
my last and final plan....
stories of joell on 12:46 AM
